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# Understanding and Supporting Teenagers Through Family Challenges

This session focused on the complexities of supporting teenagers as they navigate the emotional turbulence that can arise from family dynamics, particularly during times of parental separation.

Our guest, Esther Eisin Cohen, brings over three decades of expertise as a systemic family psychotherapist. Her insights shed light on the often-overlooked emotional landscape of teenagers grappling with the breakdown of their parents' relationship.

### The Impact of Parental Separation on Teenagers

When parents part ways, teenagers on the cusp of adulthood can experience a profound sense of insecurity. The dissolution of a parental union often represents the crumbling of one of the walls of their secure base. This can lead to feelings of sadness, loss, and grief, which can be particularly isolating if they lack a peer group that shares similar experiences.

### Navigating the Emotional Aftermath

Esther emphasizes the importance of parents maintaining steadiness throughout the separation process. Self-care is paramount; parents must don their own "oxygen masks" before they can effectively care for their children. Providing a coherent narrative about the changes unfolding within the family unit can help young people make sense of the situation, despite the challenges that may arise in achieving coherence between separating parents.

### Communication is Key

Open lines of communication are crucial. Parents should strive to listen and be curious about their teenagers' perceptions and concerns. However, not all questions from teenagers may be appropriate to answer immediately. It's a delicate balance between being transparent and protecting them from adult complexities, especially when it comes to sensitive topics like infidelity.

### Prioritising Teenagers' Needs

Parents must ensure that their teenagers feel seen and heard, even amidst high emotions. This involves inviting questions and fostering a space where teenagers can express their worries without fear of the conversation becoming a family secret.

### Co-Parenting with Respect

Co-parenting after a separation requires effort and respect. It's vital to involve both parents in decision-making and, on important occasions, maintain a respectful dialogue about the other parent in front of the children. This helps prevent internal conflicts within the young person, who may feel torn if they perceive one parent as attacking the other.

### The Role of Self-Forgiveness

Parents are human and may occasionally slip up. Acknowledging mistakes and offering apologies can model positive behaviour for teenagers, demonstrating that it's possible to repair relationships and move forward constructively.

### Encouraging Healthy Relationships

It's not just about managing family breakdowns; it's also about fostering an environment where teenagers can learn about and cultivate healthy relationships. This includes understanding the influence of family scripts and deciding whether to replicate, ditch, or innovate these scripts in their own lives.

### Seeking Help

When parents struggle, it's essential to seek support from friends, therapists, GPs, or religious leaders. Letting schools know about any significant changes at home can also provide a supportive context for the teenager's daily life.

In conclusion, the journey through teenage years can be tumultuous, especially during family separations. By staying steady, maintaining open communication, and fostering respect, parents can navigate these challenges and support their teenagers' emotional well-being. Remember, it's never too late to repair relationships and show compassion, both for oneself and for others.
